I have a problema
When I'm trying to bust a rhyme
No es la misma thing
To get a flow going en Español
I lose control
Going in circles looking like a caracol
Palabras just don't come out the same
Trying to be profunda
Ending up just driving myself insane
Falta de vocabulary is my derrota
Missing the frases that are the bases of this stream of pensamientos.
As much as I want to creer
That I am a wonderful mezcla
Enjoying the best of two mundos
I realize my dose of idiomas is a bit de un lado
My Spanglish is lavish
Excepto when the lapiz hit the papel
Perhaps algún día
I'll be able to live better in los dos worlds
For now I'll just disfrutar life
With my PB & J and horchata.
What happens to our soul when a shadow is cast over our life?
Removing the light that can brighten up a day at the sight of hope.
How does one cope with the darkness and growing strife?
Not long ago, I wouldn't have had an answer
Just putting a show
Being a dancer on stage.
Containing the rage that in reality kept me in a cage.
Craving normality,
Whatever that is.
Going through each formality, but failing to remedy my ailing spirit.
It's not something simple that you can fix.
Not to say, I have all the tricks,
But the moment I decided to switch my plight for a fight to make things right
All of those nights became a little more clear.
Steering myself back on to the road
After a series of crashes
Getting up from the ashes of being burned from all sides
Enjoying the ride
Because I woke up from my nightmare
Into a dream
I'm taking control
Climbing out of the hole in my heart
A new start.
I'm alive
I'm awake.
I'm on my way.
As long as I'd like to prance in a field of tulips
Where our two lips can find each other
The brown dirt that separates us
Is growing longer with every sunrise
And when the night falls
My hopes of a real romance
Dwindle as the curse sets in
I am strangled with the telephone cord
Losing my breath
Growing faint
Not knowing if I have enough strength to continue to miss you
My world is growing hazy
And I begin to dream
I'm floating across the ocean
To a faraway place.
(And I’m sure when you look at me you’ll say, I bet you are)
But there isn’t enough strawberry ice cream or ho-hos in the world to fill the void that makes me hungry.
Hungry for love
Like the late Etta James (may her musical soul rest in peace) said, I want a Sunday kind of love.
Sun to brighten the dark path my heart has walked on for much too long.
Days without even a nibble of affection
Starving for attention
In need of a Grade A inspection
Instead of looking at just a reflection of the connection in need of correction or maybe just the deception of my own mind that a little elbow grease will make it work.
I drool to be cool like the girl on his arm, his prize, to my surprise a genuine relationship without the thought of the demise.
Thoughts that my jaw is tired of chewing on and spitting out.
Tired of writing poems and songs about a lonely girl and a love gone wrong,
Grumbling to be satisfied
Full on butterflies.
Mastering the art of compromise
Gazing with the eyes,
Measuring the power of something you cannot give a size.
I know I am not the only one with this starvation,
Creation of this sensation has been brought on by a society of falsification with no explanation and increasing interrogation about one’s own situation.
But alas I want to be danced and romanced, and lost in a trance (enough to lose a bus pass)
Given the chance at last to bask in the basket of goodies life has ahead.
Misunderstanding
I am not demanding the handing of the spoon to my mouth,
But my life has gone south
Since the landing of that plane
That was in the air for a fair amount of time
I didn’t commit a crime.
I know I crossed a line,
But I’m going out of my mind
As I try and try to catch a break
Making more and more mistakes than I’d like to take credit for.
I know sorry isn’t enough
Because the world is rough
And I just gotta toughen up
And get the hang of this stuff.
I am a privileged child I know
But I’d like to show I really am a humble person
As I stumble on the broken ground.
I’m trying to stick around,
But the sound of the pounding of my heart falling apart
Keeps me bound to this tragedy.
I’d deceive myself if I believed in the harmonious scene I’ve conceived in my head instead of knowing how to deal with the problem.
I've had this written for a while since I wanted to add it to the about me section on my main blog, and I finally recorded the video today. So here it goes...
Let me take a moment to introduce myself.
My name is Cathy.
That is, Cathy with a C.
And I hope you can see my name is Cathy.
Not Catherine, Katie or Kathleen.
As beautiful as those names are,
They are not mine.
I am Cathy, with a C.
You see, I’m kind of a nerd.
Band geek for life.
Reading Questionable Content (THE COMIC) online,
Still wearing pig tails.
And busting a move or bursting into song at any given time.
Even in the shampoo aisle
(Tresseme for curls please).
ABCs & 1,2,3s
My life has been school from the day I went to three different kindergartens.
Thriving off of to-do lists, brand new pens, pencils, highlighters, and the ever important first day of school outfit.
Outcast? Sometimes.
Outspoken? Rarely.
Outstanding? Perhaps.
Outgoing? On a good day.
Out of money? More often than not.
The knot in my stomach.
From that moment when someone that looks at you for a moment too long for comfort.
Is there something wrong with me?
With me is the love and support of family and 1500 facebook friends
(don’t hate)
Eighty-eight, the year of my birth.
Born in Raised in the California sun.
A desert Rose almost 6 feet tall and who knows how wide, whose roots spread across the world
World traveler, Struggling window shopper,
Teacher for now, Student for always.
Always looking for the best in people with scars along my legs from the times I’ve been burned, and insect bites.
Bytes of memory that fill my computer with thoughts of a future author, and hopefully comedienne.
See, we’ve come to an end, or rather transition to the chapter.
A song I heard made me start shooting out some rhymes and make my own song...here it is I prematurely started recording something, but we'll see where it ends up, just glad to get the pen to the paper again :)
If take a closer look you'll see that my poetry comes in spurts, I haven't written anything in a long time, but some recent emotions are starting to provoke some rhymes, so enjoy my posts and new work from the CathyBean is soon to come. Leave the comments, much appreciated :)
Who knew? Years have passed So many worlds apart But still I’m falling fast The butterflies never went away Never leaving the back of my mind Anytime with you my heart flutters This love may truly be the real kind With you I can count on a smile And you making me blush Me heart going pitter-patter You’re my life-long crush Even though we’re kind of crazy And sometimes I think you’re wrong You can still make me giggle Our love still goes strong Before I called you Amazing You keep proving it to be true Everyday I’m waiting ‘Til the day I’m with you No longer in a dream Curled up in your arms You never fail to surprise me You’re a lucky charm You’ve become my hero A love of all time A hug and a kiss Is how I finish this rhyme ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For my New yorican...I just don't know about him sometimes...
The beginning A start The first night I met you You had my heart That wonderful night Come and gone I thought it was only a memory Like a really good song An unexpected turn In front of my eyes you are My heart is full Amazed at the moments we shared under the stars Thats where it stays Where the song remains Too shy to pull forward To pursue any gain Long, hot days Daydreaming of you With a hopeful heart That I was on your mind too Saving this love For you to enjoy Pero cuando es tiempo Sola estoy Letting the memory fade away With the tune playing faintly in the back of my head Trying to move on But getting lost in the music instead A cold icy night Like the blink of an eye The cd is thrown out No more chances to try The song is over The world is listening to something new Now that I'm not under this blanket I can finally hear it too My music is a good memory For now, A fairy tale turned tragedy The quest is on again For another sweet melody
For VM, truly love at first sight, but shyness hindered it all, and now he's married to someone else in a land far far away...
An intriguing journey In search of a treasure Something for yearning What one can’t measure How can it be? The one that is desired Just runs away And hides While a certain gem A diamond in the rough Isn’t for them Doesn’t make the cut Life is a game In circles it goes Wished to be tamed And filled with woes The heart does not see It can only feel It just needs to be With what is real I have his heart But someone else has mine The confusion begins to entwine Reaching for me Pulling away Out come the tears But I cannot stay How ironic Something wanted Comes from something plutonic The eyes looked into The lips that are kissed Different from Those that are missed What the hell? Am I under the wrong spell? All the dreams Are right within reach But it all seems Too close Not just right Not the fairy tale He’s prince charming Just not mine So back to square one To see how it is done
An innocent soul
Or maybe she wasn’t
That night finally came
Where the man had done it
A fairytale prince
A hopeless romantic
All of that changed since
That evening so frantic
She was the girl
With no one to hold
So she looked for ways
Ignoring what she was told
So desperate for affection
Is hurting inside
She despises her reflection
Wants to run and hide
Her hero comes
On a galloping horse
Little did she know
He would change his course
Clouds overhead
Something is wrong
They’re now in the bed
This “prince” is strong
For her body he lusts
But she won’t give in
He wont take no for an answer
And so he begins
This girl had been untouched
By unloving hands
Still couldn’t give in
To his sexual demands
He sees her face
And doesn’t continue
Then starts the confusion
Of this venue
He apologizes with his voice
But not with his eyes
Now its her choice
To leave or stay with this demise
Stupidity arises
As she ponders the latter
Affection is her desire
And that is what matters
Will the sacrifice be made?
Can she live with this deal?
Probably for now
Until she can spin the wheel
Always second Never the one Being overlooked Before it starts; it’s done Not their fantasy A good person inside But it’s all about the ecstasy All the rest can be lies Beauty is what’s within But that’s not how it works The outside is what is seen And all the potential perks So alone I stay With sadness in my eyes Thinking of what I am Makes me want to cry To even consider me Would be unheard With more time makes me bitter And have no more words But with no one by my side No cuddling when it’s cold All those people lied By myself I will grow old Not cared for and unloved Is how this story will end Wishing that this message Won’t be an ongoing trend.
Last posting for today, I hope you all think they're good, or leave me some feedback, or just your thoughts. Lots of love and smiles!!
<3 Cat
The Journey
It’s on your mind The path ahead The inevitable journey Of roses red
Not knowing the start Or the finish Only knowing when your heart Feels as if it’s diminished
Twists and turns A bumpy street Someone yearns And feels the heat
A great passion for one The sweet eyes of another Confusion and question Both you want to smother
Neither goes through So back to square one Walking alone in the woods On the road that’s never done
So many hearts That are found along the way But are they torn apart Or will one finally stay?
Oh the anguish my little heart pours out...surprises me every time i re-read my stuff
The first glance Gave me the shivers up my spine Put me in a trance Some so divine Powerful forces Innocence left behind With each moment passing Strengthening this bind Your finger tips And sweet sweet lips Leaving me craving For another kiss I’m so unknowing But you’re my guide You keep showing Me from the inside Bursts of energy Feelings raging Touching; rubbing Going crazy Finally done A sigh of contentment A brand new commitment A night like no other Under the stars One with each other In your arms
How can I do this? How can I stand it? Why do I let it happen? Continuing on this track of pain Sitting outside in the rain I care so much But it doesn’t make sense My heart is there for you But I am so tense I know what needs to be done Although I haven’t found the strength to do so You know how to keep me You know exactly what to say Is it just a mirage? Or is it what comes from your heart? You’ll probably think that this is ridiculous Because you “care” Because you “love me” Because I’m your “baby girl,” Your “sweetheart” This tears me up because you are my one You’ve seen me like no one else. You’ve seen the look in my eyes Of true love Of true pleasure You’re not going to understand what I feel Because I’ve tried to say it before I know you’ll miss me And I’ll definitely miss you too But I can’t stand what’s going on My emotions are raging All I want to do is cry Confused and angry Upset and depressed My words aren’t to be confused It’s not that I didn’t have moments of happiness But it wasn’t enough to overcome the agony My needs just aren’t met My heart not completely content Life isn’t all fun and games And because of you I’ll never be the same I must have my strength now And I thank you
