Forget It

To the boys at the bar yesterday who I wish to forget:

Forget how I don't really enjoy bars anymore where weaving to meet your friend becomes a Nick Arcade challenge, but you do it anyway to meet the people you call friends.

Forget how seeing me made you feel so repulsed and wide eyed that you decided it was okay to "sneak" pictures of me with your phone and pass it around to your group of assholes to check out the beast on the other side of the tsunami of people.

Forget how you kept looking back and bursting into laughter causing the domino effect with your friends... over and over again.

Forget how all of this paralyzed me into not being able to stand... stand up for myself and call you out on your bullshit. Paralyzed not being able to explain without being embarrassed to my company why I wanted to leave so early.

Forget how I cried all the way home. Just floating on a river full of tears, and my legs just moving along with the current.

Forget how I'm supposed to brush this off and know I'm better than the picture you're painting of me. How I"m supposed to be strong.

Forget how I'm not supposed to hate this town.

Thanks for making this a night to remember. A shitty night to remember.

Daily Occurrences- NaPoMo 13 of 30

The "you're beautiful" in my head
And the "you're beautiful from my friends
Doesn't transcend to the nameless passersby
Who try to break me down
With each muffled laugh
If I hit every person who's made fun of me
When my fist tries to insist
That justice persists
But I resist
Stipulation that I am not their equal
And a sequel to hurtful behavior
Is not the savior of this case
I don't know what it is about my face
That is such a disgrace to this society
And  I guess I'll never know
As I walk away
With an eruption of giggle behind me
With so many stares and glares
Life is really an unfair affair.

Confessions of a Fat Girl

It's kind of difficult for me to come out with this.
Actually, I'm really embarrassed.
You see the thing is...
I'm in an abusive relationship.
There.
I said it.
This has been going on for quite some time
And just when I thought I'd escaped,
The fight began again.
The pounds to my body don't come with bruises to my skin,
But only to my pride.
When my eyes in a mirror
Gaze upon the size of this wide load
Woes and unknowing foes
Explode from uncertainty
Insecurity, Animosity, Absurdity
That comes from this mess
Stress from the cycle
And I don't mean your washer and dryer.
I mean Dryers and Ho-Hos
And oh nos that come from the end of a bag of Doritos
To go with burritos
And washed down with juice
Covered in all the loose clothing
To cover all the loathing of the image
And just a smidge more effort
Wouldn't hurt the cause
But temptation and socialization
Excuses and denial
All while the battle
Over feeling like cattle
Turns into a civil war
Which I can't ignore anymore.
Because I want more,
More self worth,
Less hurt,
Less jerks,
More time on Earth.
Perk up.
Today is day 1.

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