Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Minor Setback

I'm restraining myself from complaining
As I'm painting butterflies over thunderstorms
Normal people wouldn't have to do this.
More than half of them would be thrilled to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
And not have to hide behind weak smiles and facebook photos.
How funny is it that just like a rollercoaster,
As soon as you find the top of your utopia
You are ripped away
Wind pushing you back
Until you're back to the bottom
Knocked on your bottom
Working your way up to the top of your joy?
I know without the drops you are just plateauing,
But what if you plateau on perfect?
Without change there is no progress
But damn, if the process of progress can happen without having to regress
This mess of a life would be so much simpler.
I know I've sung these blues before,
I need to take this frustration
And use a bit of imagination that will help me inch back up again.
A setback is a setup for a comeback
And I'm ready to come back to a place where I can call myself Cathy.
I mean happy.
Happy to be in my own skin.
Heart not hurting for
*What hurts the most*
The things it wants but can't have
But it still hurts though,
Trying to put this selective vision away from what's missing
And onto what I might be missing in front of me.
Forgive me for dwelling on this not so compelling rant
But I think spelling it out to the world
Will help me get up from being down
Because when you're down
You only just seem to go deeper
Along the steep path
Losing sleep
As negative vibes creep their way into your pillow
With each weep.


Sunday, November 10, 2013

Forget It

To the boys at the bar yesterday who I wish to forget:

Forget how I don't really enjoy bars anymore where weaving to meet your friend becomes a Nick Arcade challenge, but you do it anyway to meet the people you call friends.

Forget how seeing me made you feel so repulsed and wide eyed that you decided it was okay to "sneak" pictures of me with your phone and pass it around to your group of assholes to check out the beast on the other side of the tsunami of people.

Forget how you kept looking back and bursting into laughter causing the domino effect with your friends... over and over again.

Forget how all of this paralyzed me into not being able to stand... stand up for myself and call you out on your bullshit. Paralyzed not being able to explain without being embarrassed to my company why I wanted to leave so early.

Forget how I cried all the way home. Just floating on a river full of tears, and my legs just moving along with the current.

Forget how I'm supposed to brush this off and know I'm better than the picture you're painting of me. How I"m supposed to be strong.

Forget how I'm not supposed to hate this town.

Thanks for making this a night to remember. A shitty night to remember.


Monday, November 4, 2013

Lights, Camera, Education

When I was little
I wanted to be in the spotlight.
With an audience eager to see my performance
Leaving with their time well invested in this.
Broadway Bound Hollywood Broad.
These days my stage is a classroom
There is no need for microphones
And the lights go up as the bell rings.
My audience,
Groups of children with eager eyes
(Most of the time)
Ready to see how silly I can get when i tell them
The color is not Perrple
It's purple
On Tuez-day, Tuesday
After conducting their "I'm fine thank you, and ju" orchestra.
That comes out like clockwork in unison.
But why I participate in teaching what a participle is
Is the moment when a student steps up and says,
"I AM ten years old."
After years of incorrect repetition
The cognition of the order of the words
Reaches the right condition
Putting the verb in the right place
Acing exams
And little by little they're speaking English.
To distinguish themselves in a broken economy
Where the monopoly of funds
Takes the fun out of the future
Making poverty a fixture
In the mixture of people and places
Facing that harsh world
All i can do is arm my students
With words and verbs
For them to be heard among the herd
And fly as birds as far as they can go.
I may not have a star on the walk of fame
But I put stars on papers
for students who aim
To come out on top of the game.
Time for the curtain call
Bow to furthering knowledge.


Sunday, November 3, 2013