Things I'm not supposed to tell you

There's always a line
A line that is waiting to be crossed
That shouldn't be crossed
That is gonna be crossed
That is waiting to be written
A pickup line that's rejected
A lifeline that is needed
There are plenty of things I'm not supposed to tell you
But this proposed time
Gives a space for my lines
Sometimes I find more comfort with people online
Than people in real life because a wrong look
Makes my insides go tight
Fighting back tears
Living with fear that my patience will run out one day
And instead of being poised I give in to the poisonous behavior
And scream at a stranger out of anger
I've had many dreams of jumping in front of the train,
But I can't explain it
Because I have no reason
To bring that kind of pain to the ones I love
The life I live is good
I wish I could not be as sensitive
Always finding the double negative
Repetitive thoughts that I don't belong in certain groups
Even though I certainly wasn't given a reason to think that way
Except for that one time where he told me he loved me cause he had to
Because if he didn't no one else would
And that should have been over right then and there
but I wasn't prepared to repair that kind of damage
The wear and tear of my mind and my heart
Torn apart at the seams
With one line of thread trying to keep it together
I wasn't supposed to tell you
But now it's out there forever