Burned Cookies

 Damnit I was doing just fine without you

But there you go again creeping back into my thoughts like clockwork.

It’s like you set the kitchen timer to 7 years

Only to check in on what’s been baking every 2-3 months.

What you can’t see is that what could have been a beautiful creation has been burned.

It’s Crispy, Hard.

Hard like the journey we’ve embarked on for so long.

This was supposed to be the happily ever after,

And after so long all it does is pull on my heart strings

Stinging from what could have been

The almost.

But almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades,

A grenade that’s already blown any aspiration of my being truly loved into tiny pieces.

Peace is what I seek now,

Strength to move forward and leave this story behind.

Behind all of the pain, emptiness, and longing.

You don’t even know have a clue

But the monopoly over my feelings is ending,

You didn’t catch them all…or at least the one that mattered.

Enjoy your milk with no cookies, only the crumbles. 

Shy?

Just started writing and this came out, perhaps to be recorded at a later date but for now, it is, what it is. 

When I tell people I’m shy

The first thing I see is a laugh

Or that look that has “you’re kidding me, right?” written all over it.

I mean, I see where they’re coming from.

Perhaps I am a bit confused.

A shy social butterfly?

I think that’s right on the button.

Just as I walk the line as a gringa-latina,

I can reside in a room  where I have a place in the corner,

And in the center, under the spotlight.

I mean, I am the girl who has sung the national anthem twice,

La Presidenta,

Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz,

And hopped on planes and trains to who knows where.

But there’s no place like home

Where I can be away from the world

With no eyes to judge my thoughts or actions.

Lights, Camera, Action,

And I transform into whoever I need to be.

Bee. A busy bee buzzing around

And still sweet like honey.

Honey, I still stand by what I say and I am one shy girl,

But, I’m not gonna lie.

 It’s complicated.

Cathy With A C

I've had this written for a while since I wanted to add it to the about me section on my main blog, and I finally recorded the video today. So here it goes...

Let me take a moment to introduce myself.

My name is Cathy.

That is, Cathy with a C.

And I hope you can see my name is Cathy.

Not Catherine, Katie or Kathleen.

As beautiful as those names are,

They are not mine.

I am Cathy, with a C.

You see, I’m kind of a nerd.

Band geek for life.

Reading Questionable Content (THE COMIC) online,

Still wearing pig tails.

And busting a move or bursting into song at any given time.

Even in the shampoo aisle

(Tresseme for curls please).

ABCs & 1,2,3s

My life has been school from the day I went to three different kindergartens.

Thriving off of to-do lists, brand new pens, pencils, highlighters, and the ever important first day of school outfit.

Outcast? Sometimes.

Outspoken? Rarely.

Outstanding? Perhaps.

Outgoing? On a good day.

Out of money? More often than not.

The knot in my stomach.

From that moment when someone that looks at you for a moment too long for comfort.

Is there something wrong with me?

With me is the love and support of family and 1500 facebook friends

(don’t hate)

Eighty-eight, the year of my birth.

Born in Raised in the California sun.

A desert Rose almost 6 feet tall and who knows how wide, whose roots spread across the world

World traveler, Struggling window shopper,

Teacher for now, Student for always.

Always looking for the best in people with scars along my legs from the times I’ve been burned, and insect bites.

Bytes of memory that fill my computer with thoughts of a future author, and hopefully comedienne.

See, we’ve come to an end, or rather transition to the chapter.

C- for Cathy, that’s me. 

New Video

Hey all,

  So I was called out in this poetry group that I participate in, APOEM, and posted the video on my blog as well. Hope you enjoy it.

Hello,

Hi,

Hey Hey

Or in this case Hola.

These are SIMPLE greetings that make up the basis of a relationship

Destined to either prosper

Or be cursed into an abyss of awkwardness, resentment, and annoyance.

Illusions of harmony disguise the real demons, or brujas, who prey on innocence and hope with false impressions

An impression of cheaters, liars, loneliness, confusion, oppression, and anger.

My impression?

Not impressed.

But pressed for time to choose to continue this poisonous connection

Or flee to those who understand me the most.

Most days I try to wash away the unsettling emotions

And clear the vision for the second chance.

Seconds away from saying Hola!

Or maybe bonjour!

ReVamped

The CathyBean Poetry Blog is back in action due to a recent spark of inspiration.

I hope everyone enjoys my work and please feel free to leave your thoughts <3

Much Love,

CathyBean

Smile for A Better Place- Song

Smile for a Better Place

I know your world is dark right now

But if you look beyond those clouds

You will find your light, baby

And shine it just like you know how

The world is waiting for a star

You can go and show them who you are

Don’t let the rain fall

And keep you from it all

Wash that pain away

With the glory of better days

I said wash that pain away

And put a smile on your face

Wash that pain away

With the glory of better days

I said wash that pain away

And put a smile on your face

The heartache and the tears you cried

Leave them in yesterday

Take a hold of the world you have

And make it a better place

Yeah make it a better place…

A song I heard made me start shooting out some rhymes and make my own song...here it is I prematurely started recording something, but we'll see where it ends up, just glad to get the pen to the paper again :)

~Cat